Firstly, I want to express my sympathy for the strain that has developed in your relationship with Larry. I genuinely hope that despite the distance, both of you have managed to maintain a close connection. Regarding your memoir, I must be candid and acknowledge that the essay’s formatting is quite rough. Issues with indentation, grammar, spelling, and other factors arise as I read through it. I recommend utilizing a program called Grammarly to check your papers before finalizing them. While it may not be flawless, it significantly aids in identifying and rectifying most errors. Additionally, it allows you to revisit your paper and identify any issues or weaknesses on your own.
Creative writing aims to employ descriptive language to convey a narrative. However, not all descriptive language is equal. I noticed instances where you effectively used phrases like “I felt like I was chased by a pack of wolves” and “My stomach felt like butterflies were flying in it.” These descriptors successfully convey certain emotions and provide vivid imagery for the readers. However, there are weaker moments in your portrayal of your friend Larry and how you depict him. Your description of Larry felt overly simplistic and could have been enhanced to present him in a more unique light for your readers. For example:
ENGL 3110C Week 4 Memoir Review
“Standing towards the back of the group was Larry, one of my oldest and undoubtedly the best friend I’ve ever had. With his tall and slender frame, accompanied by comically large feet and dreadlocks, we dominated many basketball games together as teammates.” Sometimes, sharing excessive information can hinder the impact of your descriptions of certain events. I felt that the repeated instances of Larry’s reluctance to engage with anyone were mentioned too frequently and could have been condensed into fewer sentences. It would have been beneficial to introduce some tension to emphasize that such behavior was abnormal between the two of you. Overall, it is a promising start. However, the paper feels more like a rough draft than a completed memoir.
Essay Review
Similar to the previous essay, it is essential to review grammar, spelling, and punctuation. There were several errors that could have been easily rectified. Additionally, any quotes or statements that are not your own, such as those from an article, need to be properly cited.
The dialogue between you and your son, Kevin, felt somewhat conflicting. It would be helpful to include identifiers to indicate who is speaking. Although you did incorporate them at certain points during the conversation, the structure became too blended at times. Conversations can sometimes be distracting. Instead of transcribing the entire conversation, consider providing a descriptive summary of what was said in one or two sentences. ENGL 3110C Week 4 Memoir Review
Lyrical Essay Review
Critiquing a lyrical essay can be challenging because each piece is unique and different from others. In a lyrical essay, such as the one you chose to write, grammar remains an essential element. Since this type of essay is not intended to rhyme or focus on musicality, the sections utilizing descriptive dialogue need to be flawless. They should be in my opinion, essays of this nature should prioritize incorporating as much descriptive and figurative language as possible. The goal is to evoke strong emotions in the reader. When reading your work, I want to be just as invested in your story as you were when you wrote it. If your writing fails to maintain the reader’s attention, it may be missing that special element that makes it truly compelling.
To enhance the impact of your lyrical essay, consider delving deeper into descriptive details and employing vivid imagery. Engage the reader’s senses and immerse them in the emotions and experiences you are conveying. By crafting evocative and captivating language, you can create a more powerful connection between your words and the reader’s imagination.
ENGL 3110C Week 4 Memoir Review
Remember to pay close attention to grammar and ensure that your sentences flow smoothly. While the structure of a lyrical essay may be more fluid, it is important to maintain coherence and clarity in your writing. Grammar serves as a foundation for effective communication, allowing your ideas to shine through.
Overall, I encourage you to refine and polish your work, taking into account the feedback provided. Revise the formatting, grammar, and punctuation to create a more polished and cohesive memoir. Strengthen the descriptive language in your portrayal of Larry to bring him to life on the page. Simplify instances where excessive information detracts from the impact of certain events. And in your lyrical essay, focus on maximizing descriptive and figurative language to immerse the reader in your story and evoke powerful emotions.
ENGL 3110C Week 4 Memoir Review
By investing time and effort into these revisions, you can transform your rough drafts into compelling and impactful pieces of writing. Good luck with your revisions, and I look forward to reading your improved work.
